he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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