At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
