I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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