i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
