Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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