found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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