Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dignity is for republicans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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