it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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