i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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