Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
