My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
