Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
