By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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