Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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