a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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