So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
