He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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