I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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