He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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