I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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