You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
