Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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