i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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