I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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