you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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