I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
