i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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