You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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