My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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