Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
