I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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