Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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