Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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