Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
