I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize