Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
