God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
