Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
