he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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