in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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