you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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