So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
