Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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