glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
