No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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