Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
