So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
