just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
