im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We are two peas in an std pod
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
