Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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