If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
