my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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