I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
either way he was missing a nipple.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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