i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
