its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
