can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
