We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
