Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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