Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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