I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
