Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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