Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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